humor

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Santa's Jewish

Of course Jesus was a Jew. Santa's Jewish too, you know.

You couldn't have a Christian working on Christmas.

Not just Jewish, Santa's Orthodox. Doesn't shave, proud of his beard, and always has a head covering.

On years where Christmas falls on a Saturday, though, there's a Muslim guy who fills in.

[from a note saved 2006 Dec. 24]

On the car metaphor in DGD7: I don't even like cars.

The author responsible for the car metaphor used in places throughout the book would like it to be known that he doesn't even like cars and has no idea what he was doing.

Lines to use in any conversation and in religious contexts

Dan and Sarah have both been asked, on learning that they celebrate Chanukah (and so by assumption not Christmas), "Do you celebrate Thanksgiving?"

If i ever get asked that, i plan to answer:
Yes i celebrate Thanksgiving, but i do not celebrate Columbus Day.

And this is one i thought of while mom was trying to get off a charity solicitation call, and can be used almost any time:
This conversation has come to a successful conclusion.

And if anything at all religious comes up, i plan to say:
That offends me; I'm part atheist.

Get Rich Quickly scheme: Don't-Wait Cyrogenics

I've finally found a plan that combines getting rich with saving the world.

Melançon Enterprises will offer a cyrogenic service– this isn't original, but we will convince people to freeze themselves now, while they are still mentally healthy and alert and able to to enjoy and adapt to the glorious future when thawed out and given cyborg enhancements. Because this will be quite an expensive service, we expect our clients to be very rich. No discrimination, that's just how things work out.

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