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Went to a fundraiser for EarthWorks Boston, an awesome organization. I had heard about it before because a friend applied there, and I really hope my friend gets the job.

I knew about the fundraiser, though, because it was posted online by a person i'm interested in. Even with my bad relationship sense, i was pretty sure she wasn't too interested in me.

She was leaving just after I arrived (extremely late, missing most of Frances Moore Lappé's talk), but she showed me in, encouraged me to eat what remained of the good food, and to buy raffle tickets. She didn't tell me which one she really wanted, though -- blueberry bushes -- until I'd tossed mine at random. (Actually, i put my remainder tickets in the Bikes Not Bombs jar when i saw their basket). She also introduced me to a key person at the organization, a friend of hers.

So I was able to say my friend had applied for a job there and was told she would hear back after the fundraiser, and I hoped she would because she would be great working with plants and kids.

And then I won this basket of yoga and facials and stuff that i'm not sure anyone i know would use.

So after she said she was leaving for real and I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner sometime, she said she wasn't feeling it, thanked me for my kind words and e-mails.

Her words were something like "I'm not feeling it" and "I appreciate the intensity" of your feeling.

She said goodbye to a friend there and left, and I stayed and helped clean up.

I was able to pitch my Andrea's qualifications -- great with plants and kids, bilingual, and I almost forgot the Bachelors of Science.

And he remembered her application after one wrong try-- board of Free Speech Radio News, he asked? And I hadn't mentioned that!

Their headquarters is several blocks from the fundraiser, part of the reason I was late because I went to the office address first (after finally finding the place -- I went the wrong direction on Centre street, into Jamaica Plain, because i thought i had gotten off the directions: nowhere does Boston bother to continue to label Route 28 as the roads change under it). Then I ran the wrong way on Highland Street (some residents laughed at me; maybe that should have been a clue), and Dudley Street isn't labeled where it's supposed to meet Highland in the right direction....

So anyway, I was parked there, and when I got back to the (very nice) building (with garden, and I wandered in the empty building when I'd first gotten there) I used my computer and their wireless from a bench there.

The key person showed up and we talked about the web site and Drupal, actually, before he drove off. I forgot to pitch Andrea again though. Did that in follow-up e-mail asking about the blueberry bushes. (I carried those tickets up to the stage so i have to take responsibility for hers not being called!)

Although she said she felt the intensity of my feeling, mostly from persistence I guess, I still think I run way too cool. She was one of a dozen or so people I have felt an immediate attraction toward, and everything i learned about her confirmed her wonderfulness, but I am not and was not head over heels. Maybe I can't be, without really knowing someone first.

Also, while my opinions don't tend to ever change, my strongest feelings belong to one person at a time. And as I have the best girlfriend in the world, albeit with a hard cap there, that's where my feelings have remained.

I don't do anything expecting something from others--- don't go anywhere or do things I don't like to do because I hope someone treats me differently, and this event was no exception. I'm glad I went. My only regret would be if we might be missing out on something, if only i'd presented myself better, if I had done more to get us to know each other before asking her out. But there certainly should be some element of raw attraction in a romantic relationship, and i think there was enough time together to establish that wasn't mutual. So no regrets.